


Why Don't I Do It For You?

by myriadofstars



Category: Tenet (2020)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:34:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26340469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myriadofstars/pseuds/myriadofstars
Summary: This is it, Neil thinks as he stares at the man before him.The beginning of the end.He can’t say he regrets it.
Relationships: Neil/The Protagonist (Tenet)
Kudos: 65





	Why Don't I Do It For You?

_This is it_ , Neil thinks as he stares at the man before him. _The beginning of the end_.

He can’t say he regrets it. He remembers that one time when he was badly hurt during the mission and the Protagonist almost let him fall to the floor while simultaneously trying to carry him to the safe place and shoot the gunman. He hissed from pain and the remorse immediately flashed in the Protagonist’s eyes with an apology at the tip of his tongue. But before he could voice it out loud, Neil shook his head and laughed:

‘If I’m about to die, I would rather it be because of you.’

If only he knew.

Dozen missions later as he looks closely at the tears threatening to spill from the Protagonist’s eyes, the sentiment stays the same.

 _Don’t cry over me_ , he wants to say. _No man is worth your tears_.

But he doesn’t. So he smiles, ruefully, apologetically, because there’s nothing he can say that’ll make it all better. And who is he to tell anyone how to process grief? Even if technically they still haven’t met, and they’ll still have at least ten years in the timeline that the Protagonist lives in, the truth is, if the roles were reversed, Neil would scream to the heavens and curse the gods above for giving him the one thing that truly made him happy in this miserable world and taking it away from him in the cruel twist of fate. But as it is, he almost feels relieved that it’s not him who will have to deal with it.

Almost.

He remembers what his nan used to tell him when he lost his father, and then his mother.

_God giv_ _es and God takes. That’s just the way it is._

He tries to find comfort in those words but he stopped believing in God years ago. So what has he got left?

He takes one more look at the man in front of him whose tears still haven’t spilt. At the man he loved, loves and will love. His eyes look amber in the rays of the setting sun; orange sunlight dances in his black hair and caresses his skin. He looks ethereal and not for the first time Neil thinks that he is the most beautiful person he’s ever seen.

He wishes he could say something else but thinks better of it and instead, with one last small smile and sweep of his eyes over the Protagonist’s face, he turns around to go back to the chopper.

He takes one step. And the next one. And…

He stops.

Because suddenly he feels an overwhelming pain in his chest. The worst pain he’s ever felt. It radiates from the center of his chest and spreads through his limbs, quickly overtaking his entire body, rendering him numb and unable to take another step forward. For a fleeting moment he thinks he has a stroke.

Slowly, as if he just walked out of the Turnstile, he takes a step backward without looking over his shoulder. And the next one. And another one.

The pain slowly subsides but the numbness remains.

He turns around, at last, shocked and perplexed.

The Protagonist stands exactly in the same position but one thing has changed.

The tears have spilt.

Feeling the shot of pain again in his chest, Neil strides to the Protagonist, determined, takes his face in both of his hands and kisses him.

The kiss is gentle, yet firm. Soothing, yet painful.

Neil subconsciously identifies the pain in his chest. _Yearning_ , he realizes as it is finally tamed under the press of the Protagonist’s lips. For a second, they just stand there with their lips pressed together but then…

Then, the Protagonist fucking _cradles_ Neil’s cheeks and the kiss becomes more heated, urgent, eager. Neil’s hands move to the Protagonist’s arms, waist, back.

It’s not their first kiss, at least not for Neil, but it certainly is one of a kind.

When they separate, Neil tips the Protagonist’s chin up, so their eyes can lock. He doesn’t want to dwell on what he sees in them, so he musters a small smile and whispers:

– Uoy evol I.

He sees the recognition and understanding in the man’s eyes, but before he can answer back and drag on the inevitable, Neil tenderly kisses his forehead and leaves, almost runs to the chopper.  
He knows that the Protagonist will be angry at him for not giving him a chance to say it back, but that’s good. It will give him something else to take his mind off of the grief and hurt he will have to endure for years to come.

As he pulls himself to get in the chopper, he doesn’t dare look back.

He doesn’t dare look to see if the Protagonist has already noticed the weight of a trinket on a red string in his left pocket.

He doesn’t dare say what he wants to say.

He doesn’t dare say that he would die for him in every lifetime.

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from extremely talented FKA twigs and her song 'Cellophane'


End file.
